At home in the U.S., I usually don't let my five-year-old son out of eyesight—at least not for very long. But a recent trip to Sweden made me rethink all of that. I’ve never been a helicopter parent, but traveling to another country with a slightly different parenting style made me realize that my son needs more time alone. And I’m not necessarily talking about quiet time in his room, tinkering with dinosaurs and reading books. I mean alone, in public.

(Like what you're reading? Sign up for our newsletter to get health insights, clever kitchen tricks, gardening secrets, and more—delivered straight to your inbox. And follow along on Facebook and Instagram.)

Let me explain: Last summer, my family and I did a tour of Sweden’s most kid-friendly destinations, including the “Disneyland of Sweden,” Liseberg. Though not as large (or expensive) as the Disney parks, Liseberg is a full-scale amusement park with pristine gardens, surprisingly delicious food, and attractions for all ages. While my husband took our older nephew to the more adventurous rides, my son and I found our way to Rabbit Land—a kinder, friendly collection of mellow rides, everyone-wins games, and sweet treats the size of your head. 

large cotton candy
Kiley Bates-Brennan

Related: I Kept Traveling The World After I Had My Baby—Here Are My 5 Top Tips For Kid-Friendly Travel

Like many child-centered attractions in Sweden, Liseberg contains playgrounds and play spaces—areas where kids can have unstructured and self-led experiences (and parents have a bench to sit and relax on). I really appreciated these spaces for the respite they offered during the sensory overload of our travels, but I had a problem in Rabbit Land: I couldn’t relax. 

The play space in Rabbit Land was a sort of rabbit house called Bushållplatsen—a hill with little doors and windows inside and out. Kids could pop in on one side, climb through a maze of doors, stairs, windows, and rope bridges, to find themselves exiting out a surprise location. As my son entered, I followed behind because, you know, we were in an amusement park and I had no idea where he might end up. But as I squeezed myself through a window made for smaller bones than my own, I noticed something; I was the only adult in the place. Occasionally another parent would come toddling after a new walker, but certainly, no other five-year-old had their adult trailing them. 

Related: I Taught My Son To Bake By Giving Him Free Rein In The Kitchen

When we exited to opposite side, I saw that most parents were sitting on a few benches near the rabbit house. I found a spot for myself and pulled my son over for a conversation. “Do you want to go in by yourself?” I asked. His face lit up, and he nodded yes emphatically.  I wasn’t expecting that. I thought he’d be shy, reserved, ask me to come with him. But he looked thrilled at the prospect. “Okay,” I said. “I’m going to be on this bench. You can go in for ten minutes, and then I want you to come back here, okay?” He agreed with a little squeal–I had no idea the independence would be so thrilling for him—and off he went. 

Have kids that love to explore? Check out the video below on a program that helps college students travel the world and help the environment. 

preview for The Green Program

I’m not going to say that I let my kid run around in an amusement park playground unattended and was cool as a cucumber about it. My internal dialogue went something like this; “I’ve got this. He’s okay. He can handle this. I can handle—wait, what if he gets kidnapped? Or wanders off and gets lost in the park? Relax! Look at the other parents. This is totally normal. But what if he can’t find his way back and gets lost, and I have to get the police involved. What if I lose my child in Sweden! Oh my god, it’s been ten minutes! Where is he?!” With that I popped up and scanned the horizon for a blonde kid, only to realize…this is Sweden–they’re ALL blonde! Total panic. Suddenly, a tug at my shirt brought me back to reality. It was my son, of course. 

“I came back,” he said. “Can I go again?” He looked different, energized, lit up, and slightly taller somehow. 

Related: 6 Parenting Tips From Around The World That Only Sound Crazy To Americans

“Sure,” I said, “ten more minutes.” As he ran off for the second time, he obliviously stayed within my view, joining a handful of other kids who were trying to scale a wall that was not designed for climbing. It was about ten feet off the ground. And there was my cautious, somewhat risk-averse child, overcoming his fears, and puffing up with confidence as he joined the ranks of the other kids. He would never have done that under the watchful gaze of one of his adults.  

Kiley's family at the park
Kiley Bates-Brennan

Related: Why I'm Obsessed With This Tiny Portable Car Seat

I realized this makes sense because everyone's behavior is often altered under the gaze of authority figures. I’m thinking of a time when I turned an essay in to a strict English teacher, having all her feedback in my head as I wrote. I followed all the rules, my form and grammar were correct, and it was completely boring. Afterwards, I retreated to the wild pages of my personal journal where I could scribble words without judgment and open up creatively. 

Related: My Secret To Sane Parenting: Give Yourself Time To Do Absolutely Nothing At All

As my son played, I wondered where my anxiety came from. Did I really think he’d be kidnapped? I know enough to know that irrational fear is unfounded. Statistically, a child is twice as likely to die of the flu than to be abducted by a stranger. I felt myself start to relax. But I wondered if we’d be able to do the same in our home country, where parents more often follow and watch their children through every inch of exploration.

In her essay, "The Overprotected Kid," author Hanna Rosin points out the negative effects of children losing their independent play. She notes American society often likens the perceived failure of parents to supervise with a failure to parent at all. I live in a city, and certainly couldn’t replicate my own childhood experience with a mom who opened the door and commanded, “Come back when you’re hungry.”

But I did understand that choosing to give my son time away from my gaze in stimulating places—at parks, playgrounds, museums—would have to be my own decision, undaunted by the perceived opinion of other parents. It’s been three months since our trip, and we’ve come a long way.

Related: 7 Old-School Parenting Tips That Seem Crazy In The Modern Age

I still have my moments of doubt as a parent (but don’t we all?), and I still get sideways looks from other parents when I don’t know exactly where my child is at a local park. But I’m okay with that. Especially when I see his curiosity and confidence blossom.