Related: 1 Thing Parents Can Do To Keep Millions Of Pounds Of Waste Out Of The Landfill
2. Grandma Isn’t Quite On Board With Your “No Plastics” Rule
It doesn’t take Nancy Drew to notice that plastic isn’t part of your child-rearing practice, as evidenced by the playroom full of wooden puzzles, trains, and the occasional cloth toy. The top shelf in the linen closet is another story: It’s stuffed to the gills with flashy robots, larger-than-life dinosaurs, and toy fire engines—all plastic and all courtesy of Grandma.
3. You’re A “Natural” Woman
There’s not a chemical smell wafting through the house or a plug-in air freshener in sight. Next to the sink is a bottle of Mrs. Meyers soap and cabinets are filled with toxin-free products that make your home look like the cleaning aisle of Whole Foods. Someone's clearly been doing her reading on toluene, formaldehyde, and volatile organic compounds.
4. You Never Met A Garage Sale You Didn't Like
That backpack with the previous owner’s name blacked out and those sun-bleached toys totally give you away. She gives you major props for repurposing—hand-me-downs are good for the planet, after all. Note to Mom: Just skip used breast pumps (could spread viruses), used car seats (unless they’re less than six years old and in perfect condition), and drop-side cribs (which are banned by the Consumer Product Safety Commission).
Related: Toxic Yard Sale Items That Aren't Worth The Bargain
5. You Spend A Little Too Much Time Asking What Gwyneth Paltrow Would Do
Gwyneth’s perfectly manicured hand can be seen everywhere in your house, from the shabby chic furnishings, all in shades of white, to the cookbook collection that includes all of Paltrow’s imprints. That Goop-like mentality has also influenced your kids—who are literate in yoga and music, recoil at the thought of artificial food coloring, and have a palate for oysters and edamame.
6. You’re Not Opposed To A Little Screen Time
Okay, so your iTunes purchases prove that your kids have seen every Pixar movie ever made. Any tech-savvy babysitter can see that. And you'd better believe she appreciates the option of putting a movie on when things get hairy.
7. You’re The Organic Police
The USDA Organic seal is everywhere in the house, from the stickers on apples and gummy snacks (you frequently reference the Environmental Working Group’s “Dirty Dozen”) to the bathroom stocked with organic products. The 12-pack of Diet Coke in the fridge keeps you from seeming completely inhuman.
Related: 10 Things Every Parent Should Teach Their Kids Before They're 18
8. You Could Use A Mommy Break
When the babysitter arrives, you fly around the house giving her the 411 on everything from the exact amount of juice-to-water ratio to administer post-nap to the color-coded activity chart on the fridge. You’re so worried about every detail of your kid's routine that it takes you 45 minutes to get out the door, and you never notice that this morning's breakfast is still lodged in your teeth.
9. You Have A Secret Stash Of Oreos…That You May Or May Not Wash Down With Wine
Unlike your kids, she’s onto that sleeve of Oreos that you’ve cleverly stuffed in an old cereal box way up on the top shelf…right next to that box of red wine.
Related: 7 Foods You Should Never Feed Your Baby
10. You’re Doing Your Best
Yeah, you might have your overzealous parenting moments (who could forget the time you followed your toddler around the pool with an umbrella to protect her skin from the sun?), and ones where you could have used a bit more zeal (letting your kid get away with swearing probably wasn't your finest moment). But your sitter gives you big points for supporting your kids unconditionally. Research shows that children who receive positive attention from parents are more likely to have academic success and greater happiness than kids from other parenting styles. We'll toast to that (go grab that box of wine)!